Count your blessings

Hick story Part 2

Where was I? Oh yeah, drunk driving........ So the three of us are getting ready to leave the bar. I have had two beers, they have had, I don't know. Who's driving? Not me........Super crisp Mullet decides he should drive his own car and I agree though I feel bad about the fact that I am about to get into a car with someone who is knowingly intoxicated. We all make choices..... So, we start off. I will say that the driver of the car is handling himself very nicely and we are driving at a pace no faster that driving miss daisy. Twists and turns and hand shakes and High fives and I have a thirty pack of beer on my lap. I am crunched in the back seat so this may be the best position for me in the event that we crash into something. Fingers crossed, someone mentions something about a goose. A goose? I have no idea what to think of this and I do not really give it much thought. We must be getting close to the house.

Goose.
We pull up to the house DUI free and All with our feet on the ground. I hear what must be a goose somewhere in the distance. Holy shit I think, will I die? What have I done? I say my prayers before going any further and walk towards the house.......To my left is a goose squawking it's head off and doing it's best to be a guard goose. I may never see sunlight ever again......... We walk by the goose and into the house. We don't have to take off our shoes......

Immediately, there is an old man on the couch with no shirt and watching TV. His name is Steve, I hope his hands are clean. I have to take a piss.... I look around at my surroundings to see if I am in psycho ville........Big screen TV, OK furniture........Maybe things will be OK...... Who knows.....Food is being ordered, because the taco place downtown that my hosts thought was open, has been closed for quite some time....... Into the basement.

Hats.
Friends, this is where this story takes a strange turn, I made it out alive and I made it out with my wits about me. Though at the time, I wasn't sure what was going to happen. So like I was saying on the ceiling, were hundreds of hats. I see a dart board lit up like Hollywood, and I see the bar. There is stuff strewn everywhere, there is a sink and next to the sink is a cutting board with a rolled up bill. No surprise there as to what that is...... So I crack open a beer and we are all talking about different things. The man with the golden mullet it talking about being eccentric which translates into being crazy as far as I am concerned. A lot more talk about nothing and then the food arrives. I won't die will I? They wouldn't feed me pizza then kidnap me and go all pulp fiction zed on me right? So, we eat, more talking and talking of respect and respect my house and respect my dog and goose. The dog, on a side note, has been trying to hump my leg and get better acquainted with me. Then, the ashes. I forget how now, but some way or another his wife that has recently passed comes up and Mullet man asks me if I would like to meet her. I am trying to get out of this situation with a smiling grin before I start running like hell out the front door so I say yes. He brings over a marble looking box and He says " this is Pat" I put my hand on the box and hold it there a minute or so. All the while the Golden mullet man is staring me down in the eye and keeping up with his talk of respect and all that sort of thing. After I am introduced to the ashes, Our poor host, takes the box back to it's place and proceeds to talk to the box. I guess it helps him through. He comes back over to where we are and is talking some more but bursts into tears. I see his friend tell him things are going to get better and he gives em a hug. Maybe I'm not in danger after all. We start playing darts, I keep hearing these strange inside joke type things that could easily be directed at me as some strange form of foreshadowing of things to come........or maybe I am just paranoid. So more talking, finish the game of darts, I see my out. If anything is going to happen it would be now or if I stayed a little longer. I decide to go. I start making my way up the stairs and put on my coat and I can see the door and I am not going to lie, my heart beat speeds up just a little bit. I have flashes of horrible things If I had been kidnapped etc...........But there is the door and I am walking past the guard goose and out into the night. A free man, in shock of the journey I had just been on. Words only describe so much. This place had to be seen, smelt, touched to realize the full eeriness of it all. I awoke from a dream in a way.........

No stress Pancakes!

The Hick Story Part one.



It starts out at a place called Cherokees bar. Inside is a fairly large bar and lots of Nascar signs and all kinds of things. Directly in front of you when you walk in the bar is a stage with red carpet and a air brushed eagle with an American flag with a saying Watching from above. I played guitar up there the summer that kids don't do drugs was written to maybe like five people. So I am sitting at the bar and I am having a beer. I don't get lost, I just like beer. The main reason I came to the bar is to people watch so I could mine the shit out of it for short stories. Well I got one, missing teeth and recently departed cremation ashes. More on that in a minute. I am minding my own business watching the somewhat deformed bartender serve drinks. She has a good heart so I'll leave her alone. Next to me a man who I have no doubt likes hair bands from the eighties, looks at my red checkered shirt, and says to me through drunken slurs, Chicken! I say what? That shirt makes me think of going down to the lake and having a chicken picnic. I just smile and sip my beer. This is what I came here to do. This man's name is Steve. He continues to slur at me and I can only understand a few things that he says. Something about living in Austin and partying with Stevie Ray Vaughn and then how his farm house was burned down......I keep sipping my beer and glance every so often at a woman who looks like her face was mashed in. She is wearing purple and drinking a Diet Coke. I feel bad for her and want to know her story but I can only be so much of a vampire. I decide to leave her alone too. Sitting down two stools from me are two guys that are friends of Steve's. They say something or other to me and we laugh. They start talking about my Cardigan sweater and ask me if I am Mr. Rogers. I say no, but that Mr. Rogers had a bunch of Tattoos from when he was in the navy, and that is why he wore them. One of the Guys says he thought that was part of the act. The other guy has, and I kid you not, The most perfect mullet I have ever seen. This isn't Joe dirt pantie-waste, This is loud muffler truck glory even though the truck is an S-10. I mean we are talking about missing tooth smiles and auburn glory. A truly remarkable example. More banter back and forth and one or two cigarettes smoked. Somewhere along the line talk of a thirty pack and playing some darts. Being just arrived in town with nothing better to do, I take them up on their offer. This could be a big mistake but life is about taking risks. End of Part 1

Amerika

So, this goes out to all of you who are not reading this. I have not posted since October so I know that no one is even looking. Which is fine by me because It will probably be March when I post again. For those of you who are not reading this and did not know, I have recently been in France. It was a wonderful time and I enjoyed myself. I will not go into all the details because Hathaway Classics is not really about My personal life, it is about what I see out there and what I think about it. If you can't stand the Heat, people in hell want Ice Water.

Amerika.
So, Back in the Wonderful United states of America. Where all are free to not give a shit and do think pretty much whatever they want. This is not everyone. A few people out there take themselves way to seriously and push it down the throats of all us fun loving people here in la la land and they make things very difficult for us. A few of us, Don't think about anything at all. Who am I talking about?
Insert your favorite political pundit or congressman here. Throw in a little stir pot mess of big business and Celebrity Circus, Voila! You have our wonderful system of Demockeracy(For the record, this miss-spelling is intentional). I plan on being as vague and ambiguous as possible, this way I can go quietly cry by myself when someone leaves a comment that I don't like. But I don't really have to worry about this because no one reads this. Problem solved!

Obama.
Our most wonderful example of Presidency ever attempted towards ipod peoples everywhere. I have never voted and do not plan on registering any time in the near future. Please hold while the gasps and shock subsides........that is much better, now I have your attention. What do I think of the president? I don't know, what can you think of an almost Christ like superstar celebrity that makes policy and deals with the Yo-Yo's in congress? I have respect for the fact that he is at least acknowledging the problems that face us as a nation. That he is calling both parties out on their grand failings and inability to actually do their jobs. Aside from all of this, I am looking to buy land in the woods so that I may shut myself off from the world and blog (heehaws, I can't believe I have a blog) by the power of wind generation or solar technology. I don't have much faith in the political system at all. When you get rid of Corporation financing contributions, Special interests, Think tanks, Lobbyists, and senators over the age of 45, I will be down at the voter registration booth as fast as you can say "Daniel Boon"!!! What's that you say? Not going to happen? Sorry, I have been ingesting a lot of water from the tap lately and eating High fructose Corn Syrup. Oh yeah, and magnesium food from A particular fast food place that I will not name unless they would like to contribute to my contribution to their downfall. (Did you get all that?) I am also a firm believer in the fact that the constitution is incapable of handling the current population. There were no Adjustable Rate Mortgages when those fine "Radicals" were signing the constitution. Further more, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, etc. would be patriot acted immediately. In addition, they owned slave and gun alike. A double Whammy Amerika! So, Politics? Until I see something other than the real images I am seeing or hearing from my electronic drug collection, I will continue to be cynical, unrealistic, and non-party affiliate. You won't find me at any tea party or protest. I don't like police aggression and I also don't like exercises in futility. If I wanted that, I would go vote! I know, your disappointed and shocked. Consider this a lesson in how not to be according to your views and beliefs.

Tomorrow, No stress Pancakes and Free Massages!